In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.
A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.
Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.
Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.
The Juliana Theory is another one of those bands. I’m on an emo kick tonight, watch out. One of my best memories is taking my little sister to see the juliana theory at capital garage, in Sacramento. She was probably 11. Who knows. She was a tiny tiger. Then several years later they played a reunion show in SF…and she wasn’t 21. We tried to sneak her in but the bouncers weren’t buying her using my friends ID. It’s nuts to think that I was able to take her to shows when she was so tiny and then so close to her being 21 we had to miss out.
Sometimes it’s really nice to sit around by yourself, listening to the bands that make you feel feels. Texas is the Reason is one of those bands for me. This is one of my favorite songs.
This has been a really, really strange week. I set a boundary with one of my nanny families by telling them I couldn’t work any more than I’m already working. I work 45 hours a week, 9 hour days with 2 toddlers. One mom wanted me to work 3-5 hours more a week…which doesn’t sound like a lot but when you realize that you’d be working 3 10+ hour days + 2 9 hour days, it’s a lot. And when you realize on those 10+ hour days you’ll be working more like 11 hours because they’re never on time…and then you figure in the half hour/45 minutes it takes to walk to work, you realize you’re spending your whole day away from yourself and your dog, you feel justified in saying no.
And then…the mom flips out on you. And all of a sudden says she can’t trust you, and accuses you of having a “special relationship” with her ex husband, you say damn, that sucks but I’m glad I set boundaries and I can’t fucking believe that saying no has put me in such a shitty position. All because you said no…that you couldn’t handle any more, that you couldn’t possibly do any more than you were already doing.
I used to suck at saying no. Let’s be real, I’m a fucking doormat sometimes. I’d rather suck it up and stress out than cause others strife. But this has been the year of saying no. This has been the year of standing up for myself. I’ve done it before and it’s been hard. But this year I feel fucking good about saying no to things I don’t want to do.
- Do not forget Michael Brown
- Do not forget how the media dehumanized him and tried to justify his murder
- Do not forget how peaceful protests were painted as savage riots
- Do not forget police armed with military grade weapons terrorized and arrested black civilians
- Do not forget Darren Wilson being awarded over $200,000 in fundraiser donations for murdering an unarmed black child
- Do not forget that this system was not built to defend us, but to control us
- Do not forget Ferguson
This is a picture of three people from the Ferguson city commission.
Remember the story of how Ferguson police beat a man and then charged him with bleeding on their uniforms?
See that woman in the picture?
She was one of the cops who beat him.
Seriously what the fuck.
If you weren’t following #Ferguson on Twitter last night, you missed out. The city commission had a meeting where they tried to tell the people they couldn’t talk, but were eventually shouted down. So the All-White-Except-One city council sat there, gave people three minutes to speak, and said nothing, responded to nothing, and did nothing.
A couple of highlights:
A man arrested for peacefully protesting spoke up and said “I’ve done more jail time than Darren Wilson.”
“If Darren Wilson doesn’t get justice, you might as well bring back the army, because it’s going to be chaos,” said another.
ESPN E60 reportedly had a story about a football player from Ferguson who reported a harassment incident with Darren Wilson a week before Mike Brown. (Looked for more reports of this today and don’t see any. Sent a few messages to journalists who were covering Ferguson.)
Several people talked about how the “justice” system (more like “jüstice” system) in Ferguson routinely harasses and exploits people.
The whole thing seemed very organized, with people telling the council (paraphrased): “You’ve done nothing for us, and that’s why you’ve got a murder on your hands. Now we’re coming for you [meaning the various seats on the council]” with one woman in particular saying to the woman pictured above, “We’re coming for your seat first.”
“I have 3 minutes to tell you I am ashamed of every single one of you.”